HIV/AIDS:
Showing Up For Life!
by Bradford McIntyre
1994
Photo 1994: Bradford McIntyre, HIV-positive since 1984.
Ottawa, Canada
It was a day just like any other day; I was at work getting set up and ready to get back to work after having lunch. I looked up from my station and while gazing across the salon, I noticed a radiant woman, beautifully dressed, standing at the receptionist's desk. A stunning woman, with a short layered hairstyle; a shiny silvery salt and pepper colour throughout. She was fashionably dressed and carried herself with style and grace. I don't know why, but I had a good sense she was there to see me.
She was my next client! Diahne was her name and once seated at my station, she just turned right around in the chair and looked right at me and said “I’m here!” Usually, client and stylist communicate through the mirror they are facing. I acknowledged her, voicing I was happy to meet her and then tried to turn her around and get going on her haircut. Again, she turned and said even more forcefully, “no, I’m here!” Feeling a little awkward about this somewhat, I moved right along into conversation, preparing to cut and style her hair.
Diahne was a most interesting individual, her conversations not like any I had heard before. She talked on about unique subjects and some of which I interpreted as a little quirky. But I like quirky, and I immediately liked her! She spoke of ideas and concepts that seemed a little out there but with such intelligence and wisdom conveyed. If you didn’t understand what she was talking about, you knew she had answers which allowed you to move from your doubts, knowing what she said was completely feasible. She intrigued me and sparked my interest to hear more.
The same time every week, Diahne drove from Montreal to Ottawa for her appointment with me; we talked excitedly and laughed uproariously throughout her appointments. Then we decided to take our relationship outside of the salon and get together the next week at my home in Hull, Quebec. She would come on my day off. When Diahne came to the apartment the next week, she sat at the dining room table and I poured us a cup of tea. Diahne proceeded to tell me everything we talked about from the very first time we connected, was about creating a Trust.
Having created a comfort zone, Diahne explained many things which somehow made sense, so I was all ears. Listening, her words vibrated in my soul. She talked to every cell in my body. What she was saying was somehow being instilled inside of me, talking to every part of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual body. At this time in my life I hadn’t really explored or considered myself having much of a connection to spirit. I had my own beliefs, with many different ideas about religion and spirituality, collecting bits and piece's like I thought everyone else had done throughout their lives.
Following with bated breath on her every word, Diahne told me she had specifically come into my life to tell me something. The next sentence she would speak was to change my life immediately and forever. Diahne said, “I have come to tell you that you have suffered long enough, and hard enough, and it was time to get on with your life!” I wondered where this woman came from. Why was this taking place? Why is Diahne telling me all this? How does she know?
Undoubtedly, I knew this was true! I had suffered for a long time.
Is this not true for many of us? Have we not suffered enough? Everything Diahne said was true for me, but it rang loud and true this was not just about me. All of the many messages she conveyed had a much broader scope. Somehow Diahne instilled the meaning of LIFE and the workings of the Universe. Passing on to me, a new understanding of our purpose! Hours passed while we talked, and then Diahne left to go back to Montreal.
The following week I looked forward to her visit. Diahne’s name was not in the appointment book where it had been every week. Weeks would pass and turn into years, never again to see Diahne, an extraordinary woman who changed my life!
I haven’t told a lot of people about Diahne, but it seems when ever thoughts or conversation come up about Diahne and this experience, even if months or years go by between thinking of her, I have a sense that when speaking of Diahne, it is exactly when I need to! And perfect for each and every situation when it does come up. Like right now, it is supporting me in what is now my focus around my health and living.
Diahne if you are out there, look where I went with the life force you instilled in me!
I believe this was the start, the beginning of my new journey. A journey from fear to LOVE! The early beginning's of Showing Up For Life!
That’s exactly what Diahne did! I was a changed person. I knew inside myself everything she said was true. Four years passed from the time I was told I had six months to live, living in my own prison, hiding the fact I was infected with the AIDS virus. Diahne was right on the mark too, was I going to spend another four years waiting to die? Or, get on with my life!
A realization occurred after Diahne left. I went across the street to the local Provi Soir {corner store} and found myself chatting with the cashier. I’d often been talking with her in the store. An invisible wall came down. Years of telling myself I couldn’t let anyone into my life and yet the Truth was; we had been having a relationship on some level all along. We knew we liked each other. It was my wall! This wall prevented me from seeing this relationship existed. I just didn’t see it. Because I was infected with HIV, I had chosen to move far away from family and friends so no one would see me get sick and die of AIDS and to not get close to people or believe I could! And when I let down that wall I created, a world of opportunities presented themselves. Everyone was there! I could have everyone in my life.
Shortly thereafter I painted, wallpapered, and decorated what was a boring beige apartment, one which had seemed pointless to make a home. All my life I played with interior decorating in all my homes, family and friends too, but when I moved into this apartment there didn't seem to be much point. Doctor’'s told me over and over that I would soon die of AIDS. I didn’t decorate or even buy anything for myself or the apartment.
Changing the dull drab walls brought newness to my home mimicking the newness of how I looked at my life. Years earlier, when I sold most of my belongings before moving away, I kept many of the gifts I received over the years from family and friends. All my keepsakes represented all the many people in my life who I loved and who loved me. All of a sudden there was a colorful warmth and Love everywhere I looked.
With this new excitement I went out into the world to create friendship and Love.
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copyright © Bradford McIntyre
Related:
Interview
BRADFORD MCINTYRE: SHOWING UP FOR LIFE
By Cristina Padrés
October 12, 2015
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